Health
Break Free from People-Pleasing Habits
Health Points
- Constantly worrying about others’ feelings often starts in childhood, especially in unpredictable environments.
- Prioritizing your own emotions and needs helps reduce anxiety and exhaustion from people-pleasing behaviors.
- Experts recommend practical steps, like the NICER method, to shift focus from others to yourself.
It’s common to feel anxious about how others perceive you, but letting this worry take over can leave you feeling drained. Many adults carry these habits from childhood, especially if they experienced volatile home environments.
“Are you mad at me?” is a question psychotherapist Meg Josephson remembers asking throughout her life, and it’s also the title of her recent book that explores how to overcome people-pleasing.
Josephson shares, “I hear clients worry if people are mad at them all the time, at work, in their romantic relationships, friendships.”
This hyper-awareness can become a survival strategy, but it can also turn into an exhausting cycle if left unchecked amid safe, everyday situations. Josephson’s advice is to pause and shift the question: instead of, “Are they upset with me?” try asking, “What do I need right now?”
Learning to recognize your own feelings before reacting to others helps break unhealthy patterns and opens a path to healthier boundaries.
Josephson adds, “Healing really starts with our awareness, when we can bring this unconscious pattern into our conscious mind and insert a pause.”
She also notes, “People are really not thinking about us as much as we think they are.”
The urge to people-please often comes from the ‘fawn’ response, where we try to appease others to keep the peace. While everyone wants to avoid conflict sometimes, doing so constantly can lead to frustration and fatigue.
Josephson explains, “When we’re doing it all the time, when we’re actually safe, that’s when it leads to burnout, resentment, overthinking, and exhaustion.”
To help, Josephson suggests the NICER method: Notice how you feel, Invite the emotion instead of pushing it away, be Curious about its triggers, Embrace the feeling with compassion, and Return your focus to the present.
According to Josephson, “Underneath this … is not letting ourselves be swayed by our discomfort, knowing that discomfort is going to happen and taking small bites of it at a time.”
Taking small steps to focus on your needs can make daily interactions lighter and more fulfilling. Try these tips to start prioritizing yourself and experience greater well-being.
