Health
Why More Couples Are Sleeping Separately
Health Points
- About 31% of U.S. adults say they sleep separately from their partner, a trend known as “sleep divorce.”
- Sleeping apart can relieve sleep disturbances caused by snoring, different bedtimes, or restless movement, improving quality of rest.
- Open discussion and compromise are key to finding the sleep setup that fits both partners’ needs without undermining intimacy or security.
Sharing a bed with your partner may sound romantic, but a growing number of adults are making the choice to sleep apart—what experts now call a “sleep divorce.” According to a recent survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 31% of U.S. adults reported choosing separate sleeping arrangements. In many cases, that means heading to another room or at least into a separate bed.
This isn’t a sign of a failing relationship. In fact, it’s a response to common problems like snoring, different work schedules, and one partner’s restless tossing and turning. Dr. Seema Khosla, medical advisor for MedBridge Healthcare, explained, “Sleeping in separate sleep spaces may lead to improved sleep for both partners. This is even more effective if both partners disturb each other—like if one snores and the other keeps waking them up to roll over.”
The trend appears to be particularly popular among Millennials, with nearly 40% of adults aged 35 to 44 reporting they sometimes sleep separately from their partner. By contrast, just 18% of adults 65 and older say the same. The survey found that while 23% of people sleep in a different room, 13% share a room but not a bed.
Other strategies couples use to minimize disruptions include going to bed at different times (37%) and using a silent alarm to avoid waking their partner (15%). Men, the survey suggests, are generally more likely than women to make these changes or to move bedrooms entirely when seeking better sleep.
The survey relied on self-reported data, which is an important limitation. As Dr. Khosla pointed out, “Not all couples are able to optimize the sleep space that serves their needs, whether it is due to a physical lack of space or the unwillingness of a partner. Compromise is reasonable.”
Why do some couples prefer sleeping apart? According to Dr. Yue Leng, a sleep researcher at the University of California, San Francisco, “Sleep divorce is relevant to our sleep quality.” Common issues leading to sleep separation are work stress, mismatched schedules, and noisy bedtime habits like snoring.
There’s also a generational shift at play. Younger couples may be more open to negotiating what works for their relationship, compared to older generations who might think sleeping apart signals relationship trouble. Dr. Michelle Drerup of the Cleveland Clinic notes, “Millennials are more tech-savvy and interested in how to achieve good sleep. They also may not be as adjusted to their partner’s sleeping habits as couples who’ve shared a bed for decades.”
While sleeping apart can help you get more rest, there can be downsides, too. Dr. Drerup points out that some people feel less secure or have lighter sleep when alone. “Having a bed partner may provide reassurance and decrease sleep disruptions and insomnia,” she says. There’s also the risk that sleeping separately could make a couple feel less close, though this isn’t true for everyone.
The bottom line? Reassessing sleeping arrangements is a healthy step, says Drerup—it’s not a sign your relationship is in trouble. What matters most is having open conversations with your partner about what’s best for both of you. Try out small changes like earplugs or adjusting the bedroom temperature, or consider only sleeping apart during work nights if needed.
Above all, make sure to prioritize quality time as a couple, even if that just means cuddling before moving to separate beds for the night. Good sleep is vital for overall health, especially for adults over 40 looking to get the most out of their days—and nights.
