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Boost Your Joy After 50: Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

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Chip Conley, a renowned entrepreneur, author, and founder of the Modern Elder Academy, has discovered that reaching the age of 50 was a turning point in his life. According to Conley, this milestone age allowed him to cultivate high emotional intelligence, which he believes is the key to a more fulfilled and joyful existence.

In a first-person opinion piece for CNBC, Conley shared, “It sounds absurd, but at 63 years old, I can say that the last few decades have been a tale of two midlives: one very dark from my 30s- to -40s, and one truly splendid … starting when I hit 50.”

While writing his book, Learning to Love Midlife: 12 Reasons Why Life Gets Better with Age, Conley realized that his emotional intelligence had grown significantly. This growth had such a profound impact on his life that it became “a crucial ingredient for boosting happiness and resilience,” as he wrote for CNBC.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is defined by Psychology Today as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” Just like any other mental health skill, enhancing your emotional intelligence allows you to reflect inward, acknowledge the present, understand your experiences, and find solutions, often in the form of new, healthy coping mechanisms.

Chris Rabanera, a psychotherapist and the founder of The Base EQ, explains, “Processing emotions means being able to recognize and acknowledge what you are experiencing emotionally, examining what is causing the emotions, exploring ways to solve emotional difficulties, and moving forward from the experience.”

Conley has found that increased emotional intelligence can lead to stronger community connections, deeper relationships, and a better ability to “emphasize with the emotions of others.” He has seen these benefits firsthand.

“As I age, I’ve softened … and not just around my belly. I experience less ego and more soul. I feel more deeply for others’ life circumstances,” he wrote.

Now in his sixties, Conley feels a broader compassion for others, is less emotionally reactive, and places greater value on his relationships. While emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, it also requires understanding the feelings of others.

Connor Moss, LMFT, a therapist with Pacific Psychotherapy, explains that those with high emotional intelligence often exhibit “genuine curiosity about the emotional lives of those around them.” He adds, “Asking questions rooted in genuine interest about how others are feeling and navigating their emotional worlds can expand your understanding and potentially deepen your relationships.”

However, not everyone has high emotional intelligence. Experts say that those with lower EQ often lack self-awareness, sensitivity, and good listening skills, and their capacity for empathy may be limited. James Miller, a psychotherapist and host of LIFEOLOGY Radio, explains, “A person with a lower EQ will not ask empathetic questions. Instead, they will use facts and data to converse and often are blind to social cues.”

The encouraging news is that emotional intelligence can be developed with effort and time. As Conley eloquently points out, emotional intelligence tends to grow with age. So, it’s never too late to start cultivating this life-enhancing skill.

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  1. Sandra MacGregor

    April 10, 2024 at 12:15 pm

    EQ- Reflected in “Second Mountain” by David Brooks. With maturity and hard climb in the early years (first mountain), we choose to climb the second mountain where EQ helps center our lives.

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Mindfulness

10 Proven Techniques to Combat Stress as You Age

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As we age, stress can become a regular part of our lives. Whether it’s due to health concerns, financial worries, or simply the changes that come with growing older, it’s important to have effective strategies to calm down quickly. Here are ten scientifically proven methods to help you relax and regain your composure in stressful situations.

Breathing exercises are a simple yet effective way to reduce stress. Slow, deep breaths can help lower your heart rate and blood pressure, leading to a calmer state of mind. This technique is often used in yoga and meditation practices, but it can be done anywhere, anytime you need to calm down.

Another beneficial practice is progressive muscle relaxation. This involves tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body, starting from your toes and working your way up to your head. It’s a great way to release physical tension and promote relaxation.

“Laughter is the best medicine” is a saying that holds some truth. Studies have shown that laughing can reduce stress and improve your mood. So, watch a funny movie, read a humorous book, or spend time with friends who make you laugh.

Physical activity is another effective stress-buster. Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood lifters. Even a short walk can help you feel more relaxed and less stressed.

Music has a profound effect on our emotions. Listening to calming music can lower your blood pressure, slow your heart rate, and reduce anxiety. Choose songs or compositions that you find soothing and uplifting.

Aromatherapy, the use of essential oils for healing, can also help reduce stress. Scents like lavender, chamomile, and rose can promote relaxation. You can use these oils in a diffuser, in a bath, or even apply them directly to your skin.

“Visualization, or guided imagery, is a variation of traditional meditation that involves imagining a scene in which you feel at peace, free to let go of all tension and anxiety.”

Mindfulness, the practice of staying present and focused in the moment, can also help you calm down. It involves accepting your feelings without judgment and letting them go.

Eating certain foods can also help reduce stress. Foods rich in vitamin C, omega-3 fatty acids, and magnesium can help lower cortisol levels, the body’s stress hormone.

Lastly, getting enough sleep is crucial for managing stress. Lack of sleep can increase cortisol levels and leave you feeling more stressed. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night.

Remember, everyone is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Try out these techniques and find what works best for you. With practice, you can learn to manage stress effectively and lead a healthier, happier life.

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Ease Nighttime Anxiety: Expert Tips for Better Sleep

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The struggle of trying to fall asleep, only to find yourself wide awake, is a common issue many of us face. A recent survey from the Sleep Foundation revealed that 44 percent of adults in the U.S. regularly have trouble sleeping due to anxiety.

“Constant worry can make us less present, less happy, and certainly sleep more poorly at night,” says Alex Dimitriu, MD, a physician board-certified in psychiatry and sleep medicine. “Thoughts, and especially worries, can continue to spiral as part of a vicious cycle.”

However, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to remain trapped in this cycle. We’ve consulted with several experts to identify common worries that prevent people from getting a good night’s rest and how to alleviate these stressors.

Many individuals find themselves obsessing over the tasks they need to accomplish the next day as soon as they lie down. Faith Reyes, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist, suggests embracing this rather than avoiding it.

“Turn on the light, get out of bed, and write it all down. Having a plan reduces anxiety,” she advises. “If you’re feeling overwhelmed, making a to-do list increases your sense of control and motivation. Get tomorrow’s tasks out of your head and onto paper, so you can rest.”

Work-related anxiety is another common issue that can disrupt sleep. Gayle Weill, LCSW, a private practice psychotherapist, explains that this worry creates a cycle of rumination and anticipation, making it difficult to relax and unwind.

If your stress about going to work in the morning is hindering your sleep, Weill recommends seeking help from a therapist. “Through therapy, individuals can reframe their thoughts and learn strategies for managing performance anxiety on the job, or learn how to navigate having a difficult boss or coworkers, creating a more positive and manageable outlook for the next day,” she explains.

When you’re busy with work or other commitments during the day, you might find that your mind turns to larger existential worries at night, says Alex Oliver-Gans, LMFT, a San Francisco-based therapist who specializes in anxiety.

“Often these thoughts can center around the theme of life direction,” he notes. To prevent these worries from keeping you awake, Oliver-Gans suggests setting aside time during the day to address these thoughts in a deliberate, purposeful way, possibly with a therapist.

Financial anxiety is another common source of sleepless nights. The Sleep Foundation survey found that 77 percent of U.S. adults admitted to losing sleep over money worries, at least sometimes.

Preston Cherry, PhD, a financial therapist and accredited financial counselor, explains that the uncertainty of money keeps people anxious during the day and awake at night. “People want to understand the notion of ‘enough’ better: Do we have enough? What is our enough, and how do we get to our enough?”

To manage this anxiety and improve your sleep, Cherry suggests addressing your aspirations and finances with financial planning. “Preventing money avoidance by addressing your aspirations and finances with financial planning helps you find more peace with clarity and confidence, turning unknowns into better knowns and shaping the life you envision,” he explains.

Some people spend their time in bed at night replaying the day’s events in their head. When doing this, “they may begin to ruminate on something that happened earlier in the day,” and how they responded to it, according to Oliver-Gans.

This may include an argument with a spouse, a meeting at work that could have gone better, or even an email with a typo in it. Whatever the case may be, Oliver-Gans says it’s important to redirect your train of thought toward determining what you can do going forward instead of staying awake anxious over a moment that has already passed.

“Allow yourself to take on whatever lesson you feel you need for the future and note down anything you want to do to repair the situation the next day, and then recognize when you have done all you can for today,” he advises.

At the same time, other people may fixate on what they didn’t say during the day’s events. “Maybe you froze up in a recent interview, social situation, or business meeting—and the words you couldn’t find in the moment are flooding into your mind now,” Reyes says.

But beating yourself up over what you should have said won’t help you move on and get to sleep. Instead, try saying what you wanted to out loud while in bed, Reyes suggests. “Hearing yourself say the words can be a cathartic practice, and improve the likelihood you’ll be able to find your voice next time,” she says.

It’s all too easy for people to stay awake concerned about what problems they might end up facing with their health or safety. “We don’t have much control over the future, especially at the end of the day, and it’s hard to turn down for sleep when you’re feeling powerless,” Oliver-Gans explains.

But what can you do to stop ruminating over the unknown so you can get some rest? The San Francisco-based therapist recommends redirecting your thoughts toward what you do know. “Think about your strengths,” he says. “What’s gotten you this far in your life? You’ve dealt with uncertainty before—what in your history shows that you’re someone who can figure out problems as they come?”

Some of us don’t just battle one worry at night. Ashley Fields, LCSW, a mental health therapist based in Indianapolis, says thought flooding keeps people from falling asleep, too. “You may lay down and find yourself thinking about so many things that you don’t even know what you’re thinking about,” she shares. “Sometimes these are called racing thoughts.”

Racing thoughts may come out of nowhere and tend to “feel endless, unhelpful, and random,” according to Fields. One way she suggests managing this is through a technique used in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) called “Leaves on a Stream.”

“Imagine a stream of water flowing through a forest,” Fields says. “As you have a thought, you should imagine yourself putting that thought on onto a leaf and let it float by when it’s ready. This exercise helps you to notice all of your thoughts (positive, negative, and neutral) and separate from them.”

Sometimes simply stressing over not being able to sleep is what is keeping us up, Katelyn McMahon, MSW, registered psychotherapist and content strategist at TherapieSEO, notes. You may start to worry about how you’re going to feel tomorrow if you don’t get enough sleep.

There are several things you can do to try and reverse this thinking, according to McMahon. “People may find it helpful to listen to guided meditations, sleep stories, or relaxing white noise like waves crashing,” she says. “This can give your brain something else to focus on instead of giving in to anxious thoughts.”

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Emma Willis Prioritizes Brain Health Amid Bruce’s Dementia Battle

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Emma Heming Willis, wife of Hollywood actor Bruce Willis, has recently been focusing on her own ‘brain health’ while caring for her husband, who was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2022. Bruce Willis was initially diagnosed with aphasia in March 2022, and his dementia diagnosis was confirmed in February 2023. Since then, Emma and the entire family have been providing unwavering support to the star.

In the midst of caring for her husband, Emma has found it necessary to prioritize her own health. She shared in a recent interview, “My doctor will talk to me about my breast health, my cholesterol, my heart, but not about my brain.”

Post the birth of their youngest daughter, Evelyn, in 2014, Emma began experiencing brain fog. Despite medical professionals attributing it to “mommy brain”, she sought help from a brain specialist. “I’d never heard the term ‘brain health’ before,” she admitted to People magazine. With the aid of supplements and lifestyle adjustments, Emma has managed to regain her health, allowing her to focus on her husband’s deteriorating condition.

She shared, “I’ve been able to lean in on this new [caregiver] community I find myself in, so giving back to people who are on this journey as care partners has been super meaningful.” Emma recently launched her wellness brand, Make Time, emphasizing the importance of community.

Emma also took to social media to encourage her followers to “check in” on caregivers. She wrote, “Caregivers are our unsung heroes. We need to check in on them just as much as check in on the person they are caring for.” She urged her Instagram followers to support those caring for loved ones.

Emma’s call to action was shared shortly after she posted a throwback photo for Valentine’s Day, capturing a moment of joy with Bruce. The post, which showed the couple sharing a kiss against a snowy backdrop, garnered nearly 50,000 likes in less than a day. The photo, taken in 2010, serves as a poignant reminder of happier times as Bruce continues to battle his health condition.

Bruce’s daughter Tallulah, from his previous marriage to Demi Moore, commented on the post, “Love this,” while her sister Rumer wrote, “This is incredible.” Emma clarified for fans that the photo was taken “many many years ago! I think it was in 2010.”

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