Boost Your Joy After 50: Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Chip Conley, a renowned entrepreneur, author, and founder of the Modern Elder Academy, has discovered that reaching the age of 50 was a turning point in his life. According to Conley, this milestone age allowed him to cultivate high emotional intelligence, which he believes is the key to a more fulfilled and joyful existence.

In a first-person opinion piece for CNBC, Conley shared, “It sounds absurd, but at 63 years old, I can say that the last few decades have been a tale of two midlives: one very dark from my 30s- to -40s, and one truly splendid … starting when I hit 50.”

While writing his book, Learning to Love Midlife: 12 Reasons Why Life Gets Better with Age, Conley realized that his emotional intelligence had grown significantly. This growth had such a profound impact on his life that it became “a crucial ingredient for boosting happiness and resilience,” as he wrote for CNBC.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is defined by Psychology Today as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” Just like any other mental health skill, enhancing your emotional intelligence allows you to reflect inward, acknowledge the present, understand your experiences, and find solutions, often in the form of new, healthy coping mechanisms.

Chris Rabanera, a psychotherapist and the founder of The Base EQ, explains, “Processing emotions means being able to recognize and acknowledge what you are experiencing emotionally, examining what is causing the emotions, exploring ways to solve emotional difficulties, and moving forward from the experience.”

Conley has found that increased emotional intelligence can lead to stronger community connections, deeper relationships, and a better ability to “emphasize with the emotions of others.” He has seen these benefits firsthand.

“As I age, I’ve softened … and not just around my belly. I experience less ego and more soul. I feel more deeply for others’ life circumstances,” he wrote.

Now in his sixties, Conley feels a broader compassion for others, is less emotionally reactive, and places greater value on his relationships. While emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, it also requires understanding the feelings of others.

Connor Moss, LMFT, a therapist with Pacific Psychotherapy, explains that those with high emotional intelligence often exhibit “genuine curiosity about the emotional lives of those around them.” He adds, “Asking questions rooted in genuine interest about how others are feeling and navigating their emotional worlds can expand your understanding and potentially deepen your relationships.”

However, not everyone has high emotional intelligence. Experts say that those with lower EQ often lack self-awareness, sensitivity, and good listening skills, and their capacity for empathy may be limited. James Miller, a psychotherapist and host of LIFEOLOGY Radio, explains, “A person with a lower EQ will not ask empathetic questions. Instead, they will use facts and data to converse and often are blind to social cues.”

The encouraging news is that emotional intelligence can be developed with effort and time. As Conley eloquently points out, emotional intelligence tends to grow with age. So, it’s never too late to start cultivating this life-enhancing skill.

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