Health
Could Sleeping Apart Boost Your Nightly Rest?
Health Points
- Almost one in three U.S. adults sleep separately from their partner for better rest
- Sleep divorces may help some couples improve sleep quality and reduce disturbances
- Open communication and compromise are essential for choosing the right sleep setup
Sharing a bedroom with your partner isn’t always the recipe for sound sleep. New research shows a growing number of couples are opting for a “sleep divorce,” where partners sleep in separate rooms—or even just separate beds—to get the rest they need.
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recently found that 31% of U.S. adults report sleeping apart from their partner. This could mean taking over the guest room or simply pushing two beds together in the same space. “Sleeping in separate sleep spaces may lead to improved sleep for both partners,” explained Seema Khosla, MD, an AASM spokesperson and medical advisor for MedBridge Healthcare. She added, “This is even more effective if both partners disturb each other—for example, one partner snores, wakes up the other partner, who then wakes up the snoring partner with a request to roll over.”
Survey results revealed that a sleep divorce is most common among Millennials ages 35 to 44, with nearly 40% saying they’ve done it, compared to just 18% of adults aged 65 and older. Some couples choose entirely different rooms, while others stick to separate beds within the same bedroom. In addition, many adjust their routines by going to bed at different times or using silent alarms to avoid waking each other.
Dr. Khosla pointed out that this shift centers more on “the partner who has been disturbed” than previous conversations, which usually focus on the person with disruptive sleep habits. However, she noted, “as this is a survey, the data is self-reported,” making it key to remember some limitations in the findings.
Why are so many couples saying goodbye to nightly togetherness? According to Yue Leng, PhD, MPhil, associate professor at the University of California, San Francisco Bakar Computational Health Sciences Institute, work stress, clashing work schedules, and snoring are all common reasons for sleeping apart. Dr. Michelle Drerup, a psychologist and director of Behavioral Sleep Medicine at Cleveland Clinic, suggests Millennials might be “more open and willing to negotiate different aspects of their relationship” compared to previous generations who might see sleeping apart as a warning sign for the relationship.
Tech-savvy couples may also be more focused on how to achieve quality sleep, noted Dr. Khosla, especially if they’ve spent less of their relationship sharing a bed, as is common with younger generations.
There are positives and negatives to a sleep divorce. On one hand, your nightly slumber may be less disturbed, especially for partners dealing with REM sleep behavior disorder, which can cause sudden, unconscious movements at night. As Dr. Drerup explained, “Sleeping separately is often a recommendation I would make when someone has REM sleep behavior disorder, which leads people to experience dream-enactment behaviors, including hitting, kicking, and other sudden, potentially unconscious violent actions that could cause injury to a bed partner.”
However, not all couples benefit from sleeping apart. Some people may find it hard to fall into a deep sleep without the comfort and sense of security that comes from having their partner nearby. “Having a bed partner present may provide reassurance and decrease sleep disruptions and insomnia,” Dr. Drerup said. She also warned that time apart at night could “decrease intimacy” for some couples.
Reevaluating your sleep arrangements shouldn’t be a source of worry about your relationship’s health. “There should be an open discussion amongst bed partners to discuss what is the best fit for their sleep patterns and life,” Dr. Drerup advised.
If you find yourself tossing and turning next to your partner, it may be helpful to discuss solutions together. This could mean a permanent change or just separate sleep on work nights. Even smaller tweaks—like earplugs or adjusting the temperature—might help. Dr. Leng explained, “It very much depends on the work schedule and sleep timing of the bed partners, whether they snore, whether they are likely to have awakenings.”
For couples considering a sleep divorce, Dr. Khosla recommended prioritizing quality time together before saying goodnight. “You can spend time together in the same bed each evening until you’re ready for sleep—then, move to separate beds,” she said.
Ultimately, every couple is different. For some, sleeping apart prevents nightly disruptions and improves health. For others, it might take away the comfort and closeness they cherish. Dr. Khosla summed it up: “Not all couples are able to optimize the sleep space that serves their needs, whether it is due to a physical lack of space or the unwillingness of a partner. Compromise is reasonable.”
