Lifestyle
Therapists Share One Technique to Stop Toxic Couples’ Fights
Health Points
- Start with the XYZ formula: In X situation, when you do Y, it makes me feel Z.
- Avoid kitchen sinking by focusing only on the current issue instead of past grievances.
- Replace labels like lazy or selfish with specific descriptions of how actions affect your emotions.
When tensions rise during a disagreement, choosing your words carefully can turn a potential argument into a productive conversation. Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, suggests viewing the conflict as a team effort rather than a personal battle.
Instead of focusing on who is right, partners should work together to tackle the issue at hand. By staying open and curious, you can use disagreements to deepen your connection and understand your partner’s perspective.
“A lot of times people are thinking that this disagreement is between me and you, meaning it’s me and you against each other,” Varma said.
“Instead, think of it as me and you against the problem,” she explained.
Using the XYZ formula allows you to express your feelings without resorting to accusations or personal attacks. This method helps maintain focus on specific behaviors and provides a clear path for repair and resolution.
Practicing these communication strategies fosters a respectful relationship that can adapt and grow through life’s inevitable challenges.